It All Happens In The Dark

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Terror Plane

Altitude (2010)

I had read some good things about this one and was uber excited to see it. When I finally did get the chance I was having a major case of the warm and fuzzies. This was one of those all out movie viewings – I made popcorn, I turned off the lights – damn it, I set the mood. I was ready to be wowed and I was convinced I would be. Maybe I screw myself by going this route. Because this movie did not deserve my fine attention to detail. Oh, yes, it was bad, is bad, will forever be bad.

And not BAD as in HELL, YEAH this is so the opposite of good because of all the amounts of awesome it is. Bad as in foul, stinky, rotten, a pile.

I should have done my homework. The gentleman who wrote the film is Paul A. Birkett who is also responsible for such classics as Ice Twisters and Con Express. You say you have not heard of these? Well, there is a very good reason for that. And you should consider yourself among the lucky ones. And if you have heard of them, you know what I’m talking about already and you’ve probably hit the eject button on your seat.

So we have our cast. None of them are very good. It is the usual lot -our main character – a damaged young woman who lost her mother in a horrible accident and has forever been haunted by it. Her shy, nervous, new to the group and very boring boyfriend. Our main character’s blonde best friend, who films everything because she wants to make the movies. Blonde best friend’s boyfriend, who is so annoying that he should have died before the movie even began – a jock who is drunk for the duration of the film. And main character’s musician cousin. There are all sorts of soap opera subplots about who is sleeping with who, who is in love with who, who is leaving for school and won’t be seeing so-and-so anymore.

The entire film takes place almost completely on a plane – the main character girl is a pilot and she has taken lots of lessons, so when she decides to fly everyone to a concert, why worry? And guess who they are going to see. No, really, guess. Oh, you give up? Coldplay. It seems in recent horror movies that heading to a concert is the new “don’t go in the house.” If you’re going to a concert you are doomed, you will not make it ever, and you wil realize this is a really shitty way to die just hear “Clocks” live.

Well, everything that can go wrong does. Contact with air control is lost, a sudden storm materializes which the plane becomes lost in, all of the equipment malfunctions, there is only enough fuel in the tanks to last an hour… oh, and since the plane is at such a high altitude oxygen deprivation is a major concern – there will be sickness, headaches, hallucinations, everyone will go INSANE. And there is something outside the plane. Something big. A MONSTER! And it wants to see Coldplay, too. But there are not enough tickets for everyone…

They all freak out, no one is really enjoying themselves. Drastic measures are taken… yawn.

This could have been effective – it isn’t a bad idea but the script is so incompetent that unless the whole thing had been rewritten it was pretty much destined to crash and burn. No one on the plane is appealing or engaging on any level and the jock is the most insufferable character that has been in any recent movie.

This has one humdinger of a “twist.” The film is pretty much just a drawn out mash up of two popular Twilight Zone episodes. The first should be easy to guess, and the second I won’t reveal because that would be a massive spoiler. My suggestion is to watch some TZ instead of this. You’ll get much more out of that than you’ll get from anything here. C


5 responses to “Terror Plane

  1. K February 23, 2011 at 6:39 am

    i agree.. it actually has a potential to be a good movie, but the script and packaging is just SO BAD.

  2. Georg October 14, 2010 at 8:28 am

    Thank god I read a review on this, thx for saving my time.

  3. take a lucky guess October 14, 2010 at 6:10 am

    I couldn’t do it. 20 minutes was all I could take. Is it just me or did the wrestler strike an uncanny resemblance to Ben Seaver? The only thing that kept me going for 20 minutes was the desire to see his character die, but alas, as strong as that desire was I just could not continue on. I give you props for finishing it.

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