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A ratta-tatta-tatta-tatta-tooey! A ratta-tatta-tatta-tatta-tooey!

Friday the 13th: A New Beginning (1985)

This one is bad y’all. It is definitely the weakest and most vile of the Friday the 13th films. How bad is it? Jason isn’t even in it. I kid you not. Yeah, yeah, he wasn’t in the first one either. But this is basically a Scooby Doo episode stretched out to ninety minutes without the Scooby Doo characters, and a heaping helping of sex and violence. The killer is all too human – Roy, The Paramedic (Dick Wieand). He wraps his head in some latex and dons a hockey mask so that his crime spree will be blamed on Mr. Voorhees. Is it just me? Is that a bore?

The story centers on Tommy Jarvis who is all grown up now and played by John Shepherd. He’s still traumatized by the events of the previous film and is sent to live at a halfway house. What became of his sister? We’ll never know!

See? The lines on his mask are BLUE.

Disgusting old Ethel Hubbard (Carol Locatell) lives nearby with her equally sickening son and she doesn’t appreciate the “looney bin” being so near her property. The next time some nutter comes onto her land she’s fixin’ to blow their brains out. She gets such wonderful lines as “You big dildo, eat your fucking slop!”

So, Roy the paramedic has a son – but no one knows he is Roy’s son – his name is Joey (Dominick Brascia) and he lives at the halfway house, too. He’s an overweight boy that no one likes much, and one day he annoys the hell out of another resident, Vic (Mark Venturini) who is chopping wood. So Vic hauls off and axes Joey to death. Well, this stirs up Roy’s sense of justice – I mean, he was never there for his poor son, so what better way to make up for that than to go on a killing spree? Never mind the fact that Vic is hauled off, and Roy never bothers to go after him.

All dressed up and no role to play.

I am a fan of these films – I look past their shortcomings and embrace them for the gooky messes that they are. This one I cannot embrace. It isn’t as unwatchable as I remember, but it is lifeless and stolid. At least I’m grateful that Jason himself wasn’t part of this debacle. The next film in the series is one of the best, thankfully, because we needed something decent to keep the series from flatlining after this one – just skip A New Beginning and go on to Jason Lives – you won’t miss anything, I promise. D


4 responses to “A ratta-tatta-tatta-tatta-tooey! A ratta-tatta-tatta-tatta-tooey!

  1. James November 27, 2010 at 4:35 pm

    I know what you mean – last couple of times I’ve watched Part 3, I’ve enjoyed it more – though it’s still one of the lesser sequels (!!). Plus, if you have a drink every time someone goes into the barn, it just adds to the enjoyment! Hic. 😉

    • itallhappensinthedark November 28, 2010 at 12:32 am

      You know, that isn’t a bad idea. I think the first time I actually watched it and enjoyed it I was pretty hammered, so that would definitely bring back some fond memories. I have to say I’m inspired to watch “A Woman In A Lizard’s Skin” after reading your beautiful review.

  2. James November 26, 2010 at 12:11 am

    This is actually my least favourite, too. Heck, I even prefer Part 3 over this one! Though I do like the spunky robot-dancing punkette. She’s RAD! 😉

    • itallhappensinthedark November 26, 2010 at 6:28 am

      Yes, she is the only ray of sunshine in this sad, sad film. You know, I used to totally hate Part 3, but the last few times I’ve watched it I found myself kind of smitten. It is total rubbish, but I don’t know… it kind of warms my cold little hard.

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